A daily musing of Music and Science

I was pleased recently when I got a poll from a local radio station that consisted of the most played songs and whether it was enjoyed by the audience and whether it had been played too much. I voted, but it probably doesn't reflect so much the bands I thought were played or overplayed too much as much as those bands I really enjoy hearing.

When I got my first job after college and was making a great salary...I used to buy at least a half dozen cds every month, sometimes even more. It was a great time for it, so many new bands were bursting on the scene and alternative was at its height. Lots of new music, I was in heaven. Then as I decided to go back to graduate school, this boom of music buying ended. I still bought cds, though, as this was always an interest of me, to keep up in a way. However, the music scene had really died down, the latter half of the 90's was just miserable. I had to delve into other types of music and new scenes which were always there, but I just didn't know much about them. I got into death metal, industrial, the real underbelly of local bands and punk and the bands in the 1980's that were not part of the pop culture. This music also reflected a bit of where I was, tucked away from the public world inside a university, a bit more protected. I even got so sick of the current state of rock music that I jumped head first into the world of jazz. Not the horrible jazz on the radio that was little more than acoustic instruments being played over fusion melodies on cheap casio keyboards, no way. I got into bebop and hard bop and avant garde jazz, the 1940's-1960's. The days when jazz were the top of the music chain. When music heroes were Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie, Max Roach and John Coltrane.

I have a fairly large collection of jazz cds now, mostly the stuff that has been remixed to sound absolutely brilliant. I really like this stuff, even though at times I have to be in the right mood. As a child of rock and bands like the Beatles, it is sometimes hard to listen to bebop and grasp anything about it. It is perhaps too complicated and takes too much concentration to understand. I had played the trombone as a kid and later learned drums, but I never really learned blues or jazz or the concepts of scales in a solo. These were and still are a bit foreign to me. I get the idea of them, but I am not sure I appreciate the brilliance of one player compared to another in the actual notes they play. I like one trumpet player over another based on the tunes they played and the tone in which they played and especially their choice in ensemble, but does one solo stick out over another, not quite yet. It's still a bit of a mystery. I like Eric Dolphy quite a bit and have even read his biography. I think he is really a fascinating figure in jazz, but I don't quite understand his solos or why they are so brilliant. I like Clifford Brown and think he was the greatest of all jazz trumpet players, but I wonder whether this was an opinion I gained from reading views about him more so than the songs he played. I discovered him after Lee Morgan and others that were influenced by Clifford Brown, so it was hard to know the progression directly unless I read about it.

Today as I live through music history it is easier to understand how one band influenced another and I can hear the progression because the timeline is clear, but when it comes to jazz, it is all history. I pick up an album and I really could not place it in a time that would necessarily show the progression of an individual player or an ensemble, it is simply an album. Maybe that is why I strive to collect so much music, to really understand this influence. I haven't yet sat down and in chronilogical order listened to my jazz collection to actually hear the progress and influences. It's interesting to think about, though.

In the science world, well, it is a dark world. My company took quite a hit this week and I am sad about it. I am sad for the state of science and its constant struggle with money. There are so many fascinating ideas out there that we should be researching, but instead all of science research is being thought of as one big company. The business side decides what should be studied and this is then set down and told to the researchers. It is as if academics is just one big company with the bosses a little more vague than a small company. Strange to think about, but probably more true than ever in these lean times. There is no freedom to research...and I think great discoveries will become less and less because our science is dictated to us. Too bad.

I haven't been much in the mood to write a new post, things just a bit too hectic. I did hear something interesting on the news this morning about music, though. A study was done back in 1993 that showed that music, Mozart in particular, as background music during studying for a test helped the individual to retain information and get a better score on an exam. It was more recently shown that fast tempo, major key music was the 'key' to this success, not just classical music. I always felt that songs I knew well, usually oldies classic rock, were helping me study. It reminds me of my years in New Jersey when I would take the Path train from Hoboken into NYC. It was always so noisey, bumpy, crazy, yet I was able to read books along the way. I got so used to it that I was unable to sit quietly and read a book. I always needed background noise or, at least, something that was bothering me that I didn't want to think about, so reading was an escape from that. That latter part is a bit hard to explain, mostly dealing with escapism. So much of our lives is the need to escape our actual life. We watch movies, tv, read books, listen to music, as not only a time filler, but to escape just sitting there bored to death. It's sad in a way, though, because we also grow up with the sense that distraction and faster and faster distractions, short attention span, in other words, are the key to our existence. We grow up a bit stupider than the last generation.

I've always wondered at the great knowledge the writers of the early 1900's had of the world, the ancient world, the artistic world, even the scientific world. They seemed to know references that people today have essentially lost. However, now that I think about it, it could simply be that these references were commonplace for the time, much like pop culture references are to us. These great works of literature, artistic works, etc. were in discussions, in books, in magazines, etc. and were simply well known by most people. I wonder if the average reader knew these references as well as the writer. Maybe. So reading a book from another time simply casts the particular story in a time when references to antiquity and other aspects we now consider upper class knowledge were commonplace.

A short passage today as the thoughts are uncontrolled.

This morning on the radio was discussion of bands or musical arists that are considered by some to be the worst bands ever. There are a number of bands that most of us that enjoy music simply don't get. Blender magazine put out a top 50 worst bands. On the list I have heard are the Doors. Some will sware up and down that the Doors were/are simply amazing and that Jim Morrison was truly the Lizard King. Others say he was simply a drunken bufoon that was out-going enough to have his rants and raves heard by the masses and put on record. Was it poetry or just dribble? I think the Doors were simply a unique band and the reason for their often abused place in people's minds is that they did not have followers, nor did they fit into the sound of the time. The year that released such huge albums as Pet Sounds and Sgt. Pepper and Are You Experienced? and so many more great albums also included the 1st album by the Doors.

I sometimes wonder, though, whether the band or any band, for that matter, is really artistically a great band or just hype that has perpetuated through history. Often in science there is this exact problem. An idea will be tweaked or distorted from the actual data and inserted into a discussion or introduction. The next person doing research in the same area and believes that this tweaked idea somehow is true also puts this information in their introduction or discussion. Eventually the real data, if there ever was any, that only vaguely supported, if at all, the notion is buried and last and only the perpetuated exaggerated or even false statement is left to forever be written in new papers. I have run into this often in my research and even today can read papers where I know the data does not support an idea, yet the idea is believe by so many, especially the more ignorant general public.

In music it is the same way. Were the Doors really such a huge musical entity that should be considered simply amazing and brilliant or were they simply a ghastly live show that everyone exaggerated about because it was Jim Morrison. Some could say the same for a current band like Marilyn Manson. The act is there, the make-up, the stance, the showmanship, but is the musical talent there, the staying power, any actual words and music that should be perpetuated? Then again, who decides these things? Critics or fans? It, of course, should be the fans, those buying the records, memorizing the lyrics and the song in its original form, note for note.

And how do we judge what music is great and what isn't? I have always wondered this. In science a paper has to be peer reviewed, but in music one band is rarely reviewed by other bands before they go public. If that were the case then maybe all bands would sound similar, maybe not. Although the situation with record labels today reminds me of the location of fast food stores. When one fast food restaurant goes up and it draws a crowd, another one pops up next store or across the street since obviously if there are people for one place, there must be people for another with pretty much the same food. Much like music, record labels are doing the same thing. If one band is popular, why not 20 others that sound exactly the same. This happened with grunge, happened with punk, and is happening now as we speak. The radio playing essentially the same song from each band and this same song sounds like any other song, not particularly unique and mostly the same thing over and over.

So then what makes one band better than another? Is it the band that started the sound that others followed? Yet each time a new band starts they are compared to others...until that fateful day when suddenly new, younger bands release albums and they are compared to the first band and no longer compared to the band before them...then you are considered an influence and thus, you must be great. This has happened a number of times also...the Velvet Underground...barely selling records, always a small audience, yet so many bands followed their sound. I'm not sure what bands these are since I've heard the Velvet Underground and to this day I really can't name a band that sounds like them.

In another case, a band that I adore, Kyuss, came rushing out during the heart of the grunge era. They were quickly compared to other grunge bands, even though they weren't from Seattles, where all good grunge bands apparently must come from...yet do they all sound the same? Maybe. Kyuss sold poorly and never had a big following in their day. Today, though, an entire movement of hundreds of bands believe Kyuss truly created a new genre. And today we have an entire genre, sub-titled stoner rock, but really simply bands that play with real guitars....it is a hark back to classic rock with a slightly heavier edge and more effects pedals. Often called Black Sabbath on acid with Hendrix guitar and a spice of punk, the esthetic more than the sound.

Were Kyuss a briliant band that will remembered forever? I personally love two of their albums and enjoy all 4 of their albums probably more than any music I own. It is simply my taste and perhaps as I have mentioned before a wall full of memories cast in stone forever in these songs. Few today listening to music would even know the name, yet maybe they should? They certainly didn't write lyrics that changed people's lives. They were not poets...they didn't write love songs or even songs that anyone could understand the lyrics. You don't hear them on the radio or in movies or really anywhere, so does that mean they are not a good band? I don't know.

I think everyone is unique in their taste for music and what is considered good or the best or the greatest could simply mean what a majority of people agree upon in a top ten list, those few across the lists that might match, yet on each list there are plenty of others that are loved by the individual and may even sound similar to the more well-known bands on the list, yet are simply ignored by the public..ignored by radio or don't have a video.

Does a band become great because they had the best publicity? Because they are backed by their label and pushed onto the radio stations? Or can they really become great on their own? Word of mouth. How many bands simply play live exactly what their record sounds like? Maybe it is done for a reason. We connect with the song exactly as we first heard it. If the song changes, then all the feelings we had for that song are lost and have to be rebuilt, yet the changed song is only heard once and quickly forgotten. Our memories are good, but not note for note good.

That is all I want to say on this subject for now. I must still think about this issue, it is a tough one. One man's trash is another man's treasure is a good quote to think about when it comes to music. One man can hear music in a dripping faucet, another finds it to be torture. Hmm...

I will continue my musical history later, but for now just put in some inner thoughts. I have been in a weird music mood lately, mostly just listening to the radio, constantly switching stations to try to hear some song I might want to hear. I joggle between a modern rock station and a few classic rock stations. I have noticed something interesting. The classic rock songs sound so much better than I ever remember. I don't know if it is the digital improvements, since I mostly heard these songs previously on old records, or radio improvements, or my car's stereo system. In any case, songs I have heard probably hundreds of times suddenly sound like a new song and I am fascinated all over again. Not true of the modern rock songs, since I probably have only heard them in digital form and for the first time in my car or at home on my stereo.

The modern rock stations play about 10 songs over and over and of these 10 songs that originate from about 5 bands, most of which are now long gone or from albums put out over 10 years ago. Does this say something about the state of music today? There are few good bands, even fewer albums from these bands, and of these only a handful of songs worth playing. Of course, it is not as if the classic rock stations are any better. They have been playing the same 5 songs (at most) from the same artists for the last 20 years or more. Only classic rock has now moved forward in time to include more 70's and 80's songs and even songs from the 90's that come from classic rock artists. The same Led Zeppelin songs, the same Who songs, and the same Boston songs over and over. It can all get a bit annoying. Sure all the radio stations have play lists and they have to play songs that a majority of listeners enjoy, but please please mix it up a bit.

The funny part about the modern rock stations is that they are defining the songs that will one day become the songs played on the classic rock stations. Of course, few of the bands that exist now will ever become classic rock, they just don't fit the sound, if there is one. The even funnier part is that the songs being played on the modern rock stations sound as if they are just weaker versions of the once mightier powers of the rock legends now only played on the classic rock stations. The type of music the masses like has just not changed all that much. Is there anything really new in the guitar band that wasn't already done? It's just a matter of coming up with a new riff. The parody of Spinal Tap and the life of AC/DC just about mimics what rock music has become.

Searching for that new sound is a holy grail that almost never comes. The defining moments of rock are only 3 records....The Beatles "Meet the Beatles," The Sex Pistols "Never Mind the Bullocks," and Nirvana "Nevermind." These are the first, middle, and currently last word in rock. The funny part is they are easily a definition of each other. The Beatles putting out all that was tuneful and exciting about the early days of rock'n'roll. The Sex Pistols finally throwing out the gauntlet and ripping rock out of the dulldrum it had fell in...and Nirvana doing it again by mixing both the punk side of the Pistols with the melody of the Beatles. The question really is what can be the next step? Is there a progression that can even occur or are we stuck in a rut simply to keep reinviting the past. Meet the Beatles came out in 1964, Never Mind the Bullocks in 1977, and Nirvana's Nevermind in 1991. If we consider the fact that Meet the Beatles was really a repackaging of the official first album of the Beatles, Please Please Me, which came out in 1963, then we see that it has taken exactly 14 years for a new cycle to occur. We could hope, then, that in 2005 we will see the next defining moment of rock. Maybe it'll happen.

The modern rock station plays mostly Nirvana, while the Sex Pistols are rarely played their influence in punk bands can be heard repeatedly on the airwaves, and the Beatles, well, classic rock still plays them and the recent Beatles 1 was still one of the biggest selling albums in history. It's amazing.

Switching sides, the science world has had some interesting discoveries lately. A fascinating story of targeting. Red blood cells used to target clots from within and kill them by releasing a toxic drug held on their surface. In other news, work that has been very difficult and looks like has finally made some progress, the discovery of genes associated with angiogenesis, the growth of blood vessels.

A quote to end these thoughts that fits life in general....eventually there is a next generation and they just don't know any better.

"A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it." - Max Planck

Listening to the radio this morning and hearing an interview with the drummer from Metallica, it was really sad. This is a band that used to and the emphasis is used to make some good tunes and then for some reason they wanted to be commercial and it has been down hill every since. Even this new album of theirs which was given some good reviews and then panned by others as the same old (new) crap. The worst part is that they are headlining this concert tomorrow that the radio station represents as the current state of rock. The other bands are tired-old repititious mood-killer music. Not killer as in great music but music that just destroys any sense of mood. This said, I can start my own little history of what music I have liked over the years. I don't want to say that what I like is good or that even a majority like it, but that it entertains me on some level and marks some time in my emotional and physical past.

I always thought I had gotten into music earlier, probably listening to my parents records. My father had a beautiful baritone singing voice, too bad these genes didn't pass to me...my mother can't sing at all. We had a large collection of classical and opera records, although I rarely remember hearing them. I don't think my mother played much music. She used to do some Greek dancing and play these odd Greek dancing records, but I don't really remember those either. We had some folk records, too. My mother had a big collection of 45's from the 50's from when she was growing up, but her mother threw them out while cleaning out the house. My mother vowed she would never throw out anything of ours, especially records. This has held true to this day.

I guess my earliest recollection of music was simply radio, since any type of music tv wasn't even a thought then, besides that we never had cable or rather I'm not even sure it existed. I probably listened to classic rock and oldies radio, the major stations of the time. Oldies at that time was from the 50's and classic rock was the 60's. Modern rock, not a term yet, but maybe contemporary was just album rock or FM rock playing bands like the Eagles, Free, Bad Company, etc. I don't remember much of this. I remember Casey Kasem as the dj for the top 100 every single weekend. My sister had bought some records from movies like Xanadu and Grease. She somehow also had a Quiet Riot album. How funny is that. Other than that I'm not sure my sister really listened to music, at least not for the sake of listening.

My earliest solid memory is when I was about 9 years old. That summer I was up in Boston visiting my aunt and uncle and the show the Monkees was on tv. It was probably 1980 at the time, so the Monkees was an old show, but not that old. I got it in my head that I wanted to buy a Monkees record. Only records were popular at the time, although I think tapes were starting to come into play also. I went with my uncle to a local record store, I think in Harvard Square, and asked for a Monkees record after searching the bins and not even finding their name. I was told that there were no Monkees records being made anymore. The salesman offered two suggestions, of which one of them would change my listening for the rest of my life. One was that...the Monkees were just a knock off of the Beatles or as he put it, if you like the Monkees, you'd probably like the Beatles. I looked at the Beatles bin and picked what seemed to be a new record or maybe the salesman recommended it to me, I'm not really sure. In any case, it was the Beatles Rarities that had just come out. This was my first Beatles album. Second, and perhaps still as strong of a memory, was that the salesman said he would tape the Monkees for me if I bought a good blank tape. I did and he made a great mix tape. He only charged me for the tape and I still have that tape today. How funny now that I think about those times.

I quickly became obsessed with the Beatles, but only because my uncle also had a copy of Meet the Beatles. I was really confused by the Beatles Rarities. It had odd songs on it, very mixed. The pictures were also weird. The famed Butcher cover was on the inside and a very odd picture of the Beatles was on the cover, a small square one that I couldn't figure out for a long time whether it was the Beatles. I didn't know anything about the band, but learned some after buying a few books, mostly small paperbacks.

I remember having already a number of records and pictures of the Beatles by the time that John Lennon was killed later that year in December of 1980. This is why I am really not sure that I started getting into the Beatles only that year, seems too fast, but Beatles Rarities came out in 1980, so it could not have been any sooner. In any case for years after I collected Beatles records from Cactus Records which had them displayed and for sale at only $3.99 each. Back in the day well before compact discs, records were sold for only $3.99 or less. It was only the rise of the cd that resulted in the rise of the price of both the record and the tape. It was a big jump somewhere in the late 80's or early 90's.

There was this great record shop called Record Exchange, that still exists in some form called Sound Exchange. I had found this place while searching for memoribilia for my grandparents 50'th anniversary, which would have been in 1982. I started going every Christmas and birthday to buy some records. They had absolutely dozens and dozens of bootleg records, imports, hard-to-find of the Beatles and many other bands. I ended up buying such great albums as a Sgt. Pepper Picture Disc and bootleg copies of the original Get Back, later Let It Be, album, and outtakes of Abbey Road called Return to Abbey Road with a great picture of the Beatles walking the other way on that famous London street. My mother often gave me a hard time because she could hear that a lot of the records were not great quality. I bought the Beatles Sessions, a 2-record set, quite expensive for the time at probably $7.99. That was a lot of money for an 11 year old kid. I got it home, put it on the record player and it sounded horrible. I thought it must be the record, so I went back with my mother to the store and told them it sounded horrible. They gave me another one. It sounded the same. It must just be the recording. I still have the record, of course, and it still sounds horrible, but now I know better...it was the original recordings made in Hamburg that just sounded horrible to begin with...somehow now the songs sound like long forgotten cherished moments.

In those days of the 70's and early 80's, the Beatles were not such an old band yet, they were still a big draw in terms of record sales. A lot of repackaging was happening at the time, including the Love Songs, Reel Music , the Silver Beatles and dozens of others. One of the records had a sheet that had all the records that were released on Capitol by the Beatles. I spent years trying to mark of every one of them as having finally acquired them. The White Album, probably my favorite Beatles record, was one of the last as it was also one of the most expensive being a 2-record set. I read somewhere that mono copies of the album had been released and that the word mono should appear where stereo is on the back. I have searched for at least 20 years looking for these records, always flipping to the back of the record, but I have never seen one.

I started collecting all of the British albums also and discovered the original versions of these albums were far better than the American ones. I think many of the British albums I bought were the original ones released, too. At about that time my mother was dating some guy named Rick or had already broken up with him, not sure. In any case, he left all of his records and a barbecue at our house and was never seen again. The records were great, a lot of German albums, he was stationed in the army there. So I had German versions of some of the Beatles records, which usually meant the Odeon label. I think I have Sgt. Pepper, Revolver, and some others. I must have acquired those right around 1980 and this is why I had a collection by December of 1980.

to be continued....

A quote from a dry, sarcastic comedian:

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?" - Steven Wright

It's one of those things where I find it hard to really express. Some of us crave friendships and a crowd, people that must surround us to make us feel happy. Others, like myself, have friends, but do not really need them. I am married and my wife is my best friend. I find I do not really want to make new friendships because I have everything that satisfies me in craving conversation and closeness with her. I like to be nice to people and know them on some superficial level, but I do not crave a deep, meaningful interaction with them. It doesn't seem to help me any. Even when I was single, I was fairly selective in those people that I was truly friends with beyond the chit-chat of everyday meaningless events. There were few that really knew me and perhaps even fewer that cared to know me. I have noticed as I grew up, acquired more degrees, established my own identity, that I dropped those that did not fit into my small world.

In similar fashion, I find it odd that after moving to a new location and leaving friends behind that seemed to be so close at the time, that I would only keep in contact with a few of these people. The odd part is that usually it isn't the ones I most hung out with on any regular basis, but those where a connection was made....but often not followed up. Maybe I just keep in touch with those that there was something more than the superficial chatter.

One of my favorite movies "Almost Famous" features a line that really described me growing up. I don't remember the exact words, but the idea was that ....the best part about music is that we can always revisit it like old friends...we can always go to the record store and see old friends. In many ways the sentiment of this for me, at least, is very true. I connected my life, emotion, and feelings to songs, albums, even bands. In "High Fidelity" when John Cusack's character is arranging his record collection....that is so like me, a collection in order of events in my life.

I have often related the musical history of my life on paper, but rarely with a lot of detail. Over the next couple of posts, I'll start to relay from a very early age when I thought the show the Monkees was amazing and wanted their music, we all have beginnings, to my infatuation with the Beatles. I moved through Classic Rock periods, oldies even (including doo-wop), then somehow shifted to late 70's punk, late 80's metal, early 90's grunge, the industrial revolution, ecletic bands of the 70's and 80's, the alternative of the 90's, the underbelly of death and speed metal of the 90's, the rise (and fall) of the stoner rock revolution and a similar infatuation with the band Kyuss, and a parallel rise of my interest in bebop, hard bop, and avante garde jazz of the 1940's-1960's.

Somehow strangely this music would also shape my life events and perhaps even parallels my pursuits. Often times I suddenly become obsessed with a music type or band right when my work-life is most intense. When my work life becomes less structured or there is no direction, my musical life either becomes even more intense to make up for the loss or becomes fuzzy and I have no interests. It's weird, but somehow fits.

Recently I upgraded my stereo to what could probably be considered the low-end of the hi-end stereo equipment. Low-end only because of cost, but still quite amazing...especially compared to anyone I know. This gets me on another tangent. Rarely, if ever, have I come across friends or even the superficial ones that share my interest or passion in music, bands, the underbelly of the musical culture throughout the latter half of the 20th century. There have been a few passing chats with people that I would never meet again, but nothing that was just so earth shattering cool that I still remember it. Most peopleI come across are either too opinionated about music and have no mind to try something new or simply listen to the radio (or whatever is playing) in the background with on interest except whether the song is popular. Maybe this is why I rarely pursue new friendships, I just don't see people with my interests, so I have no reason to get involved with them...I have nothing in common.

I'll end this blog with a reality quickly coming true for many of us in the biology research field:

"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it. " - Albert Einstein

I also wanted to add a link to a very inspirational site for any scientist, the nobel prize site. It has biographies, speeches, histories of all those that have won the nobel prize. For those with some free time, it also has some cute games based on famous scientific discoveries that have resulted in nobel prizes.

I searched for pictures of my fish. We have two of the blue, two dwarf, and one gold. We also have a fish that was originally a feeder fish, but survived and looks to be turning into a very large goldfish. We have another fish that I can't seem to find, it has a bright red body and black fins.

Blue Gourami:

Dwarf Gourami:

Gold Gourami:

I always come into work in the morning and don't want to be social. It's not that I dislike the people I work with or that I don't want to be social at all during the day...but simply in the morning I am wrapped up in my own thoughts. External speech from someone seems to disrupt the inner world. It will usually last at least an hour or until I decide to get up and start the day. You'd think that should happen by the time I walk in the door.

I sit at a desk in which my back faces the door. It is one of those things that I am not sure I will ever get used to....I am constantly looking over the shoulder to see what is going on at the door. This is similar to placement in a restaurant. Few of us want to sit in the middle or in a difficult location away from entrances. I always think of Little Italy in NYC where little restaurants are famous for incidents of the Mafia. The mob men always eating great portions, but always, absolutely always, with an eye on the door, never the back to the door. Some argue that this stems from our history, perhaps the time of caves or settlements where there was always at least one side of protection. Many of the castles in Scotland are built at the top of a hill with one side facing the town that sprang up around the castle and the other a cliff. Maybe this is why we have good reflexes, to protect ourselves, fright flight....the earlier we see our predator the faster we can escape.

Funny but this behavior is definitely in the eating habbits of my dog. She will wait until we are near her to eat her food, rarely eating her food when we are not around. I think as a pack animal she still relies on others in the pack to protect her while she is vulnerable, namely eating. She puts her tail down, too, a nice, perhaps, that this is not the time for playing or simply a protection mechanism.

I once worked for a band, Dave's True Story, for a time while living around NYC area. They are one of those hip bands that people want to know about but rarely do. They are a bit lounge jazz, but with very modern lyrics. The singer has one of those voices where you can tell she has a beautiful singing voice just by hearing her answering machine. The writer, Dave, plays guitar and constructs visions of modern life if we were all cool and hip. I had pretty much forgotten about the band after leaving NYC until recently. Then by some sheer coincidence I heard about them a few times. I was buying new speakers and decided on hand-made California speakers by a company called Meadowlark Audio . The website for the speakers has some photos of past models and quips of wonder that the owner/designer enjoys. One of these was on Dave's True Story. How very odd, but it was also one of those things when I saw it, I knew these were the speakers I wanted, somehow a bit of fate....strings touching.

Then I was watching a movie on cable and suddenly heard one of their songs playing. The movie was Kissing Jessica Stein. It features a few short segments of two of Dave's True Story's songs. How funny. I always wonder why things happen when a long lost memory is suddenly jolted into the present by a series of events or that we suddenly keep seeing references to something when before we heard nothing.

A fairly disturbing issue has arisen lately in the scientific field. The issue, one that has plagued it from the start, is money. The government, particularly the current administration, feels that limiting the NIH budget will somehow make them all powerful. Yes, by simply making sure science cannot be done in this country and that we fall behind the times in scientific superiority...we can all end up like our current president. Apparently the NIH budget this year will not rise enough to cover the cost of doing science, but neither the administration nor congress are going to change it. This means fewer grants and ultimately less pure research. The funding gets all diverted to what is needed for the here and now....bioterrorism, cancer, and HIV. If you don't perform research in one of those areas, then forget it, you might as well give up and change careers. Too bad, it is the pure research the expansive knowledge of growing information on our basic understanding of life in all its forms that will drive us to greater discoveries. The immediate and now will reach its conclusion and then have nowhere else to go. I am sad for this country and for science in general. This is why foreign researchers are coming for some training and leaving back to their own countries, no longer is the time of Los Alamos when foreign researchers would come (some, of course, with no choice but to leave their own countries) and stay building upon the melting pot.

A good way to end this with a quote fitting by Richard Feynman, one of the American scientists at Los Alamos, a genius and Nobel Prize winner:

"The real question of government versus private enterprise is argued on too philosophical and abstract a basis. Theoretically, planning may be good. But nobody has ever figured out the cause of government stupidity and until they do (and find the cure) all ideal plans will fall into quicksand."

You know I was thinking again about an issue in music that disturbed me...the magazine Rolling Stone. I won't even link to it as I don't think it deserves it. It used to be the shining beacon of hope for a rock band to appear on the cover, now just about anyone with 15-minutes of fame ends up on the cover, this rarely being musicians. The worst incident came not too long ago when Joe Strummer died. It was a rock death that got to me. It's not like I knew the guy, but the Clash were one of the few bands I had listened to so repeatedly that their songs were like memories. His voice was one I knew better than well, my own. And the part that most irritated me, the week he died, Rolling Stone did not put him on the cover and mention the only band that matters, but instead put one of the passer-byers in rock from a boy band. The Clash were influential beyond any of the faces Rolling Stone has put on its cover the entire year. I feel bad for a magazine that no longer connects with its audience...it now feels it must please all people with stories of politics, tv and movie stars, People-esque sightings of musicians with movie stars, oh and they try to put in at least a few pathetic excuses for reviews in the last few pages of essentially fluff.

This is why I changed to focusing more attention on Alternative Press. Even though it isn't perfect, it at least focuses on music, bands on the cover, articles about musicians, interviews with musicians, and dozens of reviews across a wide-spectrum of alternative music. I used to get a great fanzine called Industrial Nation that focused on the industrial scene, those short few years in the early 90's when there was a scene. Great bands like Spahn Ranch, 16 Volt, Cubanate, Haujobb, Chemlab and so many others creating some strange cross-breed between industrial noise and guitar drenched sweat. Few have lasted and those that have are watered-down versions morphing into flavors that fit into the electronic culture of today. Every once in a while I see one of these bands playing around here and try to catch a show, usually disappointed. Maybe I was deluted into thinking that these bands were any good in the first place. I kind of like some of the modern Spahn Ranch songs, even if they are far from their origins.

Watched the movie Mumford last night. Completely different movie than what I expected. I rented it because Jason Lee was in it. Even though he isn't the finest actor, but who is...he has such a funny character with his mannerisms of speech that I enjoy his roles. This movie was mostly about a guy pretending to be a psychologist and dealing with the usual musings of a small town that somehow has great-looking people that all have problems. The main character, the pyschologist, was interesting, he never got too excited, never smiled or frowned too much, just kept his wits the entire time, very gentle. The idea was that he was supposed to be, and did a good job of it, the type of person that other people tell their problems to...even if he wasn't a psychologist. You know how there are just those type of people...those we feel we have known our entire lives and can trust with our most inner secrets. Those people that in the first 5 minutes of meeting them you want to spill out your guts and have them disect your inner demons. I wonder what the character traits are that really make someone like this.

Our tank has a number of fish in it now. One died sometime yesterday, one of the fish we got to get rid of the algae. It's supposed to suck the bottom constantly. I guess it sucked too hard. Adding new fish is funny because even though all the fish swim together and appear to get along, during feeding time the new fish hide at the bottom hoping to get a few scraps as they plummet through the depths. Funny how certain traits of humans which we feel are so human are found in animals of all types. It's always hard to be the new person, waiting in the back till everyone is gone so you don't have to make eye contact or talk too much...just like the fish.

On the science side of things. I saw an ad for a microscope that I thought should be very valuable and some day become a part of every home. It is from Nikon, called the Cool Scope. Some day people will be able to diagnose themselves or at least send information to a doctor without ever leaving the house. Get a nasal wash, put it on a slide, add a pre-determined amount of an antibody bought in a little package at the store like aspirin, leave it for 30 minutes, wash it with some water and put it into this microscope. Then a doctor can look at it online and determine what type of upper respiratory sickness you have without you doing much at all. Brilliant. Any kid could probably do this and with all the microscope parts encased and the controls simply window clicks it is easier than ever. I think Nikon have something very big here.

Here is a funny epitaph written for a scientist....think of the levels that this pertains to:

"He'll have to do this experiment all over again."

As Joe Strummer said..."death or glory....just another story"

The weekend passed with few thrills. The culmination of 2 days resulted in us buying 4 fish, which so far are still alive. We have a fish tank and a dog. The dog we've had for a year now, actually over a year. She is a great dog, sometimes a bit stubborn, but mostly a great dog. I sometimes think why I never got a dog before....I love having one and she is so much fun. The fish and the tank were a present to my wife for her birthday. She always talked about having fish, so we looked around and bought a nice tank. Keeping fish alive is an ordeal of keeping water alive. It makes us think about how delicate the water in our oceans really is, since even minor changes in temperature and heat can change the entire 26 gallons of water in the tank practically overnight. It's overwhelming. Maybe if everybody had a fish tank at some time in their life, they would understand that we need to protect our water supplies. And maybe if everyone had a dog sometime in their lives, they would pick up trash on the streets more. When sharing our lives with other species, it is really an eye opener.

There was neither music nor science thoughts over the weekend. I didn't even turn on my cd player. I mostly just watched some old movies. The classic "Time Bandits" and a movie that really inspires me "Glory." I looked up the story of Robert Gould Shaw, the young character Matthew Broderick plays. Shaw was only 25 when commissioned as colonel in the Union to lead the first african american troops. He died while leading his troops at the age of 26. Unlike most high ranking officers of his time, Shaw was leading the charge in the front of his troops as they went into battle. He didn't shrink back and protect his rank and life while others really take the glory. The letters Shaw wrote to his parents portray a slightly different ideal of what his thoughts were about the position he took, but it was still inspirational. There is a memorial to him and his troops, one of the most famous of not only the Civil War, but of any war.

We also watched a funny movie "Snow Dogs." I think we find this type of movie more entertaining now because we have a dog. I guess it is good practice for when we have kids. Cute story, great dogs. They even had a border collie, similar to our dog.

The brain needs to snap back. Okay, so I got these 3 records that were part of a letter my father sent to his mother. In the 50's there was apparently booths where you could go and speak a letter and it would be recorded onto a record. These records were one-sided and, as far as I can tell, made for playing at 78 rpm. I used to have a record player that could play at that speed, but almost all of the new ones only play at 33 and 45. It isn't too difficul to acquire a 78 record player, but I'm not sure I want to spend the money just for this. I'm debating. It would be the first and only time I can hear my father's voice in my current memory. He passed away when I was only 4. I don't have anything with his voice on it, at least not alone. I think I have some records from his college years with him singing in groups. It would be great to hear his voice.

A few quotes to match this double-sided coin....

One I read in the Scientist today...."Science...is good for the scientist, whether also for the rest of humanity is arguable." - Erwin Chargaff

And one from music from an obscure band called Grin, later Gren on IRS Records, perhaps the perfect statement of the awkwardness of being human...

"you, looking at me, a freak on display, wasting your life and time..."

I was always surprised to find myself here, though others could see this path. When did I grow up? Why do I feel still like a child in my parents world. I guess it could be something we eventually accept.

I decided to start a blog to catalogue a bit of thinking on both sides of my brain...the science and the arts. I work in the day as a scientist for a biotech company and have a passion for understanding at the fundamental level...yet I have always needed to balance this love with hobbies in the arts. It's funny since my father was both a medical doctor, a significant cancer doctor of his time, and an opera singer. He had a rich baritone voice that he used not only in music, but acting, and in scientific talks throughout the world. He acted for many years and was troubled when he had to decide what his future would be...a life in the arts, or as a medical doctor. He decided on the latter, but never gave up his passion for acting and singing.

I myself went through this dichotomy during college a number of times. At the end of school I worked in a recording studio and wondered whether I would continue on this path. I enjoyed working with bands, creating their sound, making music...yet my brain was not taxed, there was no spark in the engine (so to speak)....there was going to have to be more. I chose science as a career and arts as a hobby. Some might ask could I have done the opposite. I doubt it. Hard to imagine science, real research, deep thought provoking questions, discussions that singe the brain as a hobby. Perhaps I love music and the arts more, though...relinquishing them to non-work time.

Ever get asked that question..."why don't you do this [fill in hobby] as a career, you seem to enjoy it so much?"

I answer as such..."that's why I enjoy it so much, it isn't my career...I get to play with it..and anticipate it...but I don't have to live it every day."

Is this perhaps the concept of when we go to work and split from our spouse for the day...it is more exciting to come home and see them all fresh than to have spent the entire day with them...all week. Seems silly...but somehow true.

So what is on the mind today...the fresh start...not at all...end of the week, finally Friday, will the weekend be any better? Not sure. Finished a big project this week at work...it was done on Wednesday...at least that was the last of when I was asked about it. I'm a bit anxious to get going on the next thing and not be so sluggish...as I'm writing this. The weekend might include seeing a movie, lots of errands, spending some time just wasting time. It's weird but mostly I feel that I waste time only to get to the next thing. We wait to wait some more. Hmm...how sad.

Is life just one big filler? We find enough things to occupy our time so we don't sit around and go crazy? Do we ever really slow down and just think or just do nothing. Saw the movie "Office Space" recently...it relates the sad sad life of us all in the office world. Classic line "We've been noticing you have been missing a lot of work lately. Well, I wouldn't really say I've been missing it." Anyway, the part that always strikes me about the movie is where the lead character discusses what he did all day (after his transformation)...and he says...he just did nothing and it was all he thought it would be. Wow...nothing, just sit around all day and do nothing. I wonder if the nothing involves watching tv. Is that something? Does it involve sleeping? Maybe. I guess if we just sat in a chair (is sitting something?) and stared at the wall for hours.

The character of Marylin on Northern Exposure used to basically just sit there and do nothing. Joel (the lead) would get all angry about her just sitting there and doing nothing. So he would ask her. "What are you doing?" She would reply "Thinking about paper clips and the color blue." That's just classic. Just sitting there essentially doing nothing and thinking of nothing important except the mundane world. Blue....a color, impossible to describe to a blind person. Interesting.

Well....I've been listening to a lot of Violent Femmes lately, not realy a lot, just the 1st album, the only one that matters. Hard to live up to that one... It's not so much that I relate to the lyrics, but more so that I know the lyrics. It is the only album of the thousands that I own that I actually know the words to just about every song. I still wonder why. Must be something to do with the lyrics themselves. "Just last night I was reminded of just how bad it had gotten and just how sick I had become." Brilliant. Says everything and nothing at the same time. It's not even that I needed the mood of the album or that I would say I need the words at this time...just that I needed songs I knew the words to...seems to pass the time more in the car on the way to work...and 18 mile journey, each way. Maybe somewhere in me...I am needing it and just don't realize it yet, hmm.

The science side was up and pumping this past week...reaching a peak on Saturday. Passionate conversations about the exact nature of what occurs when a tumor in a mouse receives a drug that apparently reaches saturating doses and then does no more at higher doses. Strange....so many questions. I felt it was a bit of a let down, a big one actually, that I was not part of the group that presented this data. It was a bit of a jip. I worked so hard on the project and it was pulled out under me. I know there will be next time, blah blah blah...but still, it was a big big let down. Maybe I can at least present it to the company, yeah! That is probably what is bothering me most about this, I didn't have any closure. It's an open wound...dripping from a dead dog's eye, as only John Lennon could put so eliquently.

no more framework to write down today...the rest will be stuffing